Diaper Bliss

Everyone has an opinion. Whether it’s the neighbor who insists that everyone must be home-schooled, the parent who insists on private school or my own crazy opinion that the only way we can save the public schools is to put our kids in them. Grandparents want to feed temper tantrums with candy. We go back and forth between bribery and time-outs. You never really know what is going to work. One thing I have learned though is that you never every say “I will never . . .” because give it some time. You will do it too.

I was never going to yell at my child but I have to admit I yell sometimes. It’s one of those things you aren’t supposed to say. It makes you a bad parent or something. All you can really do is try. Anyone who claims to never have made a mistake with their child is lying.

A lot of the time I wonder if I am teaching my children anything. Between sleep deprivation, stress, and above all boredom the days seem to slip away too quickly. Some days I don’t read books. Some days I’m too tired to do anything but nurse on the couch watching “Dora” all day. On my good days I know that doesn’t make me a bad mother. Ryan surprises me sometimes. He knows his shapes. He knows his colors. He can count to 15 if you give him something interesting enough to count. He can write the letters O and C (this has more to do with the fact that they both look like balls than anything else) and he can tell me his name starts with the letter R. He tells me I need a nap when I’m especially grumpy and even offers to bring me a blanket to tuck me in. He can calm his brother down just by holding his hand and smiling, and sometimes if I’m really lucky he says “Mommy, I love you. You are my best friend.”

I ignore the fact that everyone he has ever met is also his best friend. I ignore the fact that he calls every female over the age of ten “Mama”. In that instant I don’t care what everyone else is doing because my baby loves me and he is learning despite all my shortcomings.

Then there are the days when I overachieve. I feel like I have to do everything. I have to teach him letters, songs, the weather, days of the week, month and anything else that he could possibly show interest in by the end of the day. I check out stacks and stacks of books from the library on frogs, or fish, or dinosaurs. Then we read. We read before bed, before nap. We read the books we’ve read a hundred times and the new books. We skim the pages and look at pictures or spend 10 minutes on one page. Those are the days I feel like I got something done. But you can’t keep that up every day. Sometimes we can learn from the silence. We can learn from the slow ordinary things that we do each day just to survive. The dishes. The laundry. Cook. Clean up. Cook. Clean up. Cook. Clean up.

Change the diapers. Change the diapers. It makes life safe. If we get nothing else done all day it still gives security.

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